Add More ~Ing To Your Life

Have you ever read something that changed your life? Gabrielle Bernstein's "Add More ~Ing to Your Life: A Hip Guide to Happiness" is just that kind of book. Over the last year I've posted many excerpts and exercises from this book. I highly recommend checking this book out and I invite you to revisit my previous posts on each chapter.

• Feel~ings
• Forgiveness
• Balanc~ing
• Mirror~ing
• Releas~ing Romantic Illusions
• Climb~ing
• Stretch~ing
• Shift~ing and Focus~ing
• Know~ing he Universe Has Your Back

Stretch~ing

There comes a point where we start to really feel good.  All the tools and tricks to suppress the Ego and get in touch with our ~ing or inner guidance system are working and life is grand.  So what generally happens? We feel so good that we stop doing our daily gratitude, we don't think to check in with our feelings, offer forgiveness, use EFT to release blockages, make our love lists, because hey, we're happy, who needs to do that. Unfortunately, that's using when the Ego finds a way to creep back in and start filling us with fear and doubt again.

It's during this time that we need to Stretch our self-help muscles and really focus on not only staying in this positive state, but stretching ourselves beyond imagining, to an even more enlightened state. This is the time to rev up your practice. Start by re-evaluating your feelings, make a new forgiveness list, get in balance, do some mirroring exercises, release those romantic illusions, climb to higher thoughts, break out your journal and use it as a tool to process. So plump up that meditation mat, get out the rebounder, shout out your affirmations, write love notes to yourself in bright red lipstick in the mirror, laugh out loud, give yourself a hug, and pray.

Reflections on 2010

As the year draws to a close, I can't help but reflect on the lessons I've learned this year:

1. Forgiveness is a daily practice.  It is the key to loving oneself and letting go of fear.  Without forgiveness, we would not heal.  
2. Gratitude changes everything.  The more I focus on what I have, rather than lack, the less I find I need to be happy.  
3. I can be flexible.  Whether it's a flexibility in my schedule, or my new-found ability to touch my toes, thanks to yoga, I have learned that being flexible is an important aspect of interacting with others. 
4. Crying and having feelings does not make me "ridiculous", it simply makes me human. 
5. Meditation is good for the soul.  It balances out my day, clears my mind, and gives me the tools I need to manifest my desires. 
6. Friendships are precious, and each one must be honored.  It is also important to know when it's time to let someone go. 
7. Loving yourself is the first step.  Without self love, my love cannot be shared with others. 
8. Communication is key.  Remember what they say about ass-u-me? Whether it's a family member, friend, your mortgage company, postal worker, etc. it is important to thoroughly communicate and ensure that both parties understand and are on the same page at the end of the conversation. 
9. Balancing the two sides of my personality, the organized control freak and creative free spirit has greatly improved my attitude and productivity.  By creating balance in my life I have time to do all the "to do's" on my list, in addition to working on creative products and being flexible in my schedule. 
10. Deep breathing allows me to really let go and align myself with my desires.  

What have you learned in 2010?  What will lessons will you take into 2011?  

Releasing Romantic Illusions

I've discussed Gabrielle Bernstein's book Add More ~Ing to Your Life: A Hip Guide to Happiness in previous posts. She has a social networking site for women called Her Future, where each month we have been focusing on a different chapter in her book. I've posted previously on Feel~ings, Forgiveness, Balancing and Mirroring, and this month's chapter focuses on relationships.

First, you need to honor your relationship with self. If you are not truly in love with yourself, you cannot possibly share love with another. A Course in Miracles (preface) states "...We seek in others what is wanting in ourselves. We 'love' another in order to get something ourselves. That, in fact, is what passes for love in the dream world. There can be no greater mistake than that, for love is incapable of asking for anything. Only minds can really join, and whom God has joined no man can put asunder." Essentially you must be love, otherwise, you will constantly be seeking people to fill your gaps, and that is not healthy or truly spiritual love. This is true of all relationships, not just romantic relationships. Spend time loving yourself, you are worth it.

Gabrielle also discusses "special relationships" in this chapter. Often times we place more importance on romantic relationships, than we do on friendships or even family. This imbalance can cause challenges in our romantic relationship because we are not in balance. By making that relationship more "special" than the others, we are essentially putting pressure on that person to fill our needs in a way that no one person can. Our relationship with self, friends, and family are equally important, and we need to release the need to make one person or relationship more special or important than another. Take time to find the love in all your relationships, and see how each and every person is special to you in their own way. You will strengthen all your relationships by experiencing them equally.

Releasing Exercises:
1. Make a list of your meaningful relationships, past and present. Write the story of each one, how it started/ended/the experience/etc. Release any nastiness that your ego is holding onto.
2. Make a list of how your partner makes you feel joy; or if single, how you would want a partner to make you feel joy.
3. Make a Love List and focus on the areas in your life where love shines. Focus on at least one thing that allows love to shine in your life each day.

The more you release the fears of the ego, the more love you will feel and the more you will attract loving healthy relationships into your life. When you feel ready to add a romantic relationship to your life, make a list of qualities you are looking for in a partner. Be specific, what is his personality like? His hobbies, skills, interests? His Spiritual beliefs? Does he love to travel and in what fashion? Write the story of your perfect partner, but keep in mind that creating a clone of you does not leave room for personal growth and will likely be boring very quickly.  Write your perfect partner story, and read it to yourself each day. Then share it with everyone you can. People have manifested beautiful relationships using this method. Write the story as if he is already there, for example, "My partner is full of gratitude, loves to garden, and is an expect on roses." Write in present tense, the Universe only understands NOW! I believe you could use this technique to attract friendships as well. Love yourself and the rest will follow.

Love and Gratitude


Shanna

Ego-Trippin' Down Judgement Lane

Oh how fearful and ugly the Ego can be sometimes. As my Reiki cleanse ends (thank the Universe!), I've had some feelings come up that I haven't experience for quite awhile. A few day ago I started researching my 30 Things before my birthday, one of those being "go to a shooting range."  I googled shooting ranges and started doing some research and my Ego started screaming, judging, freaking out. All I could think about is "What was I thinking? Shooting range? Those places are filled with crazy NRA-er's, psychopaths the lot of them! Blech!!!"  After about an hour of this I stood back and just took it in. I was angry, scared, and just horrible. What the heck got into me? My ego, that's what, amplified and going nuts.

A few days later my Dad told me I needed to get started on our 2011 company budget, and we would be meeting with corporate office this week to do some planning. I immediately flashed back to last year, and how angry and disappointed I was with the fella from corporate that "helped" us with last years budget. The guy clearly just wanted to get his job done and make our budget look "pretty" for his superiors, rather than helping us make it accurate and useful, so I ended up redoing a lot of it. The same guy is supposed to be meeting with us again and all I can think of is; I WANT TO MAKE HIM WEEP!! Yes, I want to put on my stilettos, break out my leather whip, and bring this man to his knees. Just thinking of it gives me happy tingles all throughout my body. Where's the love and humanity and gratitude in this emotion? I admit, I used to relish the opportunity to put someone in their place; I enjoyed firing people and have literally made grown men cry. However, that's past Shanna, right?

This is the deal, we do all of this work, this development, but the fact is, that we are still human. We are spiritual beings having a human experience, and that doesn't mean ignoring the darker feelings, or necessarily not having them at all. It just means that as we do this work, focus on gratitude, create love lists, recognize that all living creatures are connected, we may have fewer moments where the Ego takes over, but we do not erase it completely. Also, learning to recognize those feelings when they arise, and rather than ignoring or pushing them down, experience them. Just let the feeling happen, then take a deep breath, do some gratitude statements, and realize that the fear is your Ego talking, not your inner guide.

So how am I dealing with my judgements and power trips? By recognizing them, blessing those NRA ladies and gents, blessing the budget man, and realizing that there is nothing wrong with having different perspectives.  By opening myself to the Universe, I know I will find a peaceful way to experience both situations.  By the way, being peaceful, doesn't mean being a doormat. It simply means going into a situation with openness, but you still have every right to stand up for yourself if the situation calls for it.  But entering a situation with fear and anger will ensure that it turns ugly.

Feel~ings

Check out Her Future and Gabrielle Berstein’s book ADD MORE ing TO YOUR LIFE: A Hip Guide to Happiness. This book has been an inspiration to me. The first chapter is on Feel~ings and includes meditations and exercises to release. She has an online book club at Her Future to support all the ladies on their own ~ing journey.




I’ve been tuning into the amazing feel~ing posts on Her Future this past month. Feelings have always been a challenge for me. I don’t remember that last time I cried, (ok, so I cried when Buffy died at the end of Season 5); I’m not sure I’ve ever cried alone. When I was 19, I started cutting to feel. I cut regularly for about 4 years, until one night, even that didn’t penetrate my emptiness. New Years Eve, lying on the floor of my dear friend’s bathroom; I had just cut myself over 100 times, and I felt nothing…nothing. In that moment I knew that things had to change, I couldn’t continue like this. If I couldn’t learn to feel than my only choice was to “check out.” Cancer is a gift, an opportunity to learn, to explore my ~ing (inner guidance system) and understand these things we call feelings. I have experienced more joy, love, gratitude, forgiveness, bliss, and much more these past five years, than in any year since childhood. I’m still learning how to distinguish my feelings from pure thought, something I’ve found challenging. This is my ~ing write from last weekend:



Saturday July 24, 2010 ~Ing Write

Am I turned off? New potential fellow has many of the qualities and personality that I have on my list, attractive, big doggie lover, but I’m not sure I feel more than kindness/friendship. Where are my feelings of desire/passion? I had that somewhat with the ex, but things were/are better for us as friends. Am I creating that friendship and communication are more important than passionate romance? Am I making up that passion and sex will corrupt the compassionate friendship of the relationship? Is new potential fellow really just a platonic relationship or am I making up that he can only be platonic? What are my actual feelings? Am I blocking feeling? How can I release this? What do I feel? How do I feel?


Last night I had a terrible headache, and my ~ing (inner guidance system) told me that I was blocking some feelings. I put on my headphones and did Gabrielle Bernstein’s “Feel~ing” and “Forgiveness” meditations and a Ho’oponono releasing meditation that my Mom had email me. Immediately I felt much better, and after a little nap, my headache was gone, and emotionally I felt satisfied.


Holding things in, blocking the ability to feel, these “tools” do not make the feelings go away. They just penetrate deep, and if not dealt with, manifest physically, a la heinous cancerous tumors. I’m just beginning this portion of my journey, but I know that releasing is an important step to healing. Now, if only I could FEEL it too!




medium from gabriellebernstein on Vimeo.