Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Releasing Romantic Illusions

I've discussed Gabrielle Bernstein's book Add More ~Ing to Your Life: A Hip Guide to Happiness in previous posts. She has a social networking site for women called Her Future, where each month we have been focusing on a different chapter in her book. I've posted previously on Feel~ings, Forgiveness, Balancing and Mirroring, and this month's chapter focuses on relationships.

First, you need to honor your relationship with self. If you are not truly in love with yourself, you cannot possibly share love with another. A Course in Miracles (preface) states "...We seek in others what is wanting in ourselves. We 'love' another in order to get something ourselves. That, in fact, is what passes for love in the dream world. There can be no greater mistake than that, for love is incapable of asking for anything. Only minds can really join, and whom God has joined no man can put asunder." Essentially you must be love, otherwise, you will constantly be seeking people to fill your gaps, and that is not healthy or truly spiritual love. This is true of all relationships, not just romantic relationships. Spend time loving yourself, you are worth it.

Gabrielle also discusses "special relationships" in this chapter. Often times we place more importance on romantic relationships, than we do on friendships or even family. This imbalance can cause challenges in our romantic relationship because we are not in balance. By making that relationship more "special" than the others, we are essentially putting pressure on that person to fill our needs in a way that no one person can. Our relationship with self, friends, and family are equally important, and we need to release the need to make one person or relationship more special or important than another. Take time to find the love in all your relationships, and see how each and every person is special to you in their own way. You will strengthen all your relationships by experiencing them equally.

Releasing Exercises:
1. Make a list of your meaningful relationships, past and present. Write the story of each one, how it started/ended/the experience/etc. Release any nastiness that your ego is holding onto.
2. Make a list of how your partner makes you feel joy; or if single, how you would want a partner to make you feel joy.
3. Make a Love List and focus on the areas in your life where love shines. Focus on at least one thing that allows love to shine in your life each day.

The more you release the fears of the ego, the more love you will feel and the more you will attract loving healthy relationships into your life. When you feel ready to add a romantic relationship to your life, make a list of qualities you are looking for in a partner. Be specific, what is his personality like? His hobbies, skills, interests? His Spiritual beliefs? Does he love to travel and in what fashion? Write the story of your perfect partner, but keep in mind that creating a clone of you does not leave room for personal growth and will likely be boring very quickly.  Write your perfect partner story, and read it to yourself each day. Then share it with everyone you can. People have manifested beautiful relationships using this method. Write the story as if he is already there, for example, "My partner is full of gratitude, loves to garden, and is an expect on roses." Write in present tense, the Universe only understands NOW! I believe you could use this technique to attract friendships as well. Love yourself and the rest will follow.

Love and Gratitude



  1. It is so true that if you don't really love and appreciate you can't really love or appreciate anyone else!
    I love the exercises you give, I remember Doreen Virtue talking about attracting her husband in just such a way.

  2. This animal-assisted therapy involved a 45 minute session weekly. Activities included getting to know youngster and its handler, grooming, clean-up, basic obedience, and agility. It was held in the garden when the weather was nice, and in a location inside when it was drenched. As well as individual sessions while using the animal and handler, there were group sessions with others enjoying the program.


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