I feel like I've been living in a bit of a fog these last few weeks. Two weeks ago tonight I started my Reiki III training, an experience that is clearly kicking my ass. Each level there is a cleanse, as your body attunes to the new energies. Level I is a physical cleanse, II an emotional cleanse and III a spiritual cleanse. During my first week, in addition to the cleanse (which lasts 3 weeks), I also contracted the oh so popular flu bug. Luckily, my dandy flu tips helped me ward that sucker off, but I've still been majorly fatigued for the past few weeks, which I'm attributing to the Reiki cleanse. I've been sleeping quite a lot, in fact last week I slept right through Tuesday, missed it completely, quite a bizarre experience. I've watched over 40 hours of Buffy and really done little else. It's bizarre, I have absolutely no motivation, strength, energy, etc. and I have to ask, "how is this spiritual?"
I realized last night that I've allowed myself to "rest", to just do nothing, to lose myself in Buffy, and maybe that's the problem. This morning I made myself do my energy routine and bounce on my rebounder, and what do you know, I have a teeny bit of energy, enough to put this blog entry together. It also occured to me last night that maybe my body is encouraging me to take a physical break, and maybe a mental break, but not necessarily an emotional or spiritual break. Meaning, how much physical energy does it take to meditate, pray, read poetry, contemplate, do some spiritual reading?
In the past, when the going got tough, I always turned to Buffy. The lessons, the friendships, and comfort I experience while watching that show is like no other. But maybe that's the problem. Maybe I should be turning to myself, my inner guidance or ~ing, developing my own lessons, building my own friendships and finding comfort in my spirit guides and the Universe.
I know it's not a physical ailment that I'm experiencing, even though I have physical symptoms. I know what's it feels like for your body to start shutting down, what tumors feels like when they are growing, spreading, when your organs stop working and the process of dying begins. This is not the same. There is no pain, just intense fatigue, which probably will improve as I continue to push myself just a bit, do some spiritual work, and detox, detox, detox!
Watching TV, sleeping, numbing life away seems like the easy path, but really, what fun is that? Sure, we all need our chill days, but there is more to this life than being an observer, I want to be a participant. So yes, I still have a week of cleansing, and likely will continue to experience unbearable fatigue, but this is the time to break out that enema kit, do some yoga, and get started reading "A Course In Miracles."
And of course, learn psychic surgery in my Reiki class tonight....