Last night I read Mathew and Terces from Cafe Gratitude's new book Kindred Spirit and was completely moved by the experience. While reading a passage regarding how the Ego can create stories that are not necessarily true, especially in relationships, I began crying, real tears. Now, those that know me will realize what a rarity this is. I do not cry, especially sitting home alone. But last night, I shed a few tears and immediately my Ego jumped in and said "You are ridiculous!". Yikes! I realized in that moment that instead of being in a state of letting go and being love, I was trapped in a place of being control and showing any emotion outside of that control was "being ridiculous." Over the past few years, as I've continued to heal, I sometimes have moments where I get frustrated. What else is there for me to learn, to do, in order to release this cancer and live a fully healthy life? I realized last night that while I've done quite a bit of work, my focus has been more on reading about exercises or writing about healing tools, rather than the implementation. And while I have done many exercises, as soon as that Ego pops in with the control, I stop letting go, and stop making progress. Therefore, I'm starting fresh, breaking out all my workbooks, healing tools, etc. and telling my Ego that it's time to let go and be love.
Starting tomorrow, I'm going to get up a bit earlier, begin my day with meditation, a green smoothie, journal free write and yoga. Once I'm balanced, I'll be able to work on my writing throughout the day, and take small breaks to do some EFT, Reiki, Healing Codes, etc. and make sure that I focus on at least one emotional exercise each day, and by golly if crying is required, I'm just going to have to let go and get over it. This will be difficult for me, but I feel positive and I know that in reality, being love, asking for forgiveness, apologizing, blessing others and expressing gratitude is a daily practice, and one that will make me into a even happier and spiritually balance, physically healthy person than I am today.
I am amazed when I look back and see how far I've come, but it's time to heal this attachment to cancer, and be a daily example of Kindred Spirit.