Mirroring: Reflect on the Inner You

Remember that scene in The Neverending Story, when Atreyu seeks out the Southern Oracle to find out why Fantasia is being destroyed by The Nothing and the Childlike Empress is dying?  He has to go through three gates, the Spinx, The Magic Mirror Gate and then the final gate. The Mirror Gate is perceived to be the most challenging because it "mirrors" a person's true self. 

"I've known travelers who...run away at the sight of the monster grinning out of the mirror at them.  Other's appear to have seen something even more horrible, but had the courage to go through.  What some saw was not so frightening, but it still cost everyone of them an inner struggle.  Nothing I can say would apply to all.  It's a different experience each time." -The Neverending Story by Michael Ende

Is there someone in your life that bugs the crap out of you, whose behavior gets under your skin?  Often times people who bother us the most, are a mirror for something we don't love about ourselves.  For example, I have this friend who I see a few times a year for a lunch date.  For the most part, I enjoy spending time with him.  He's intelligent, unique, curious, vegetarian, music lover, into philosophy, etc.  However, I always end our bi-annual luncheons with the desire to strangle him.  Why?  There are a few aspects of his personality that really bug me.  The main one being, this attitude he seems to have that he is so different, that no one could possibly understand him.  He tries so hard to be different from everyone else that he struggles to really connect with anyone and often prefers to be alone. 

How does this relate to me?  As a child I prided myself on my differences; feminist, atheist, vegetarian, I read tarot cards on the playground, I've never chewed a stick of gum, been drunk, experimented with drugs, and as far as I know I am the only Shanna Sandmoen the world has ever seen.  I thrived on my differences, and in reality maybe a part of myself still does.  In looking at myself through him, I see that I might have used those differences as an excuse for why I didn't always connect with people and why I tended to have a new BFF every year of my life.  I also realized that this is a cover for my own insecurities, and seeing this trait in someone else bugged me so much because it's an aspect of myself I do not love. 

We all have experiences such as this, next time you encounter of think of that person that irritates you, look in the mirror.  Meditate and let your inner guidance system lead you to the truth.  By unveiling this trait in yourself, you can take the steps to heal this part of yourself, and accept and love yourself completely.  Mirror exercises are very powerful, but like Atreyu on his quest, we don't always see what we think we are going to see. 

Gabrielle Bernstein, in her book Add More ~Ing To Your Life: A Hip Guide to Happiness, states, "Mirrors don't just reflect the things we need to change.  They also reflect the beauty within us.  The beauty you see in the world is the beauty you see in yourself."

Take time this month to reflect on your relationships in the "mirror" and rethink some aspects of your self.  You may release a blockage, that will allow to attract more abundance into your life, a new relationship, or a better relationship with yourself.



(Watch minutes 4-7 to see Atreyu face himself in the Mirror Gate)

The Art of Extreme Self Care

Cheryl Richardson has written a fantastic, easy read, entitled "The Art of Extreme Self Care."  Many people in our society are stressed, overworked, feel under appreciated and resentful.  Are you a "yes" man/woman?  Is "no" a four letter word in your world?  Does giving make you feel like a good person, yet resentful when you don't feel properly acknowledged for all you do?  We all have experienced this phenomenon on one form or another.  Part of living a healthy, happy, balanced life is learning to put yourself first. Cheryl's book provides invaluable tools, teaching you over a twelve month period how to transform your life and practice the art of extreme self care. 

In the first chapter she discusses deprivation.  Readers are encouraged to really look inside themselves and ask "Where do I feel deprived?" "What do I need more of right now? Less of?" "What am I starving for?" and several other questions that encourages the reader to examine what is needed to start practicing self care.  Chapter two discusses the concept of Mirror Work, and encourages readers to say "I Love You" to themselves each time they pass a mirror.  I touched on this subject in my June 21 blog entry: http://existingstricky.blogspot.com/2010/06/power-of-affirmations.html

The next few chapters teach readers how to say "no" with grace, creating balance, making a "no" list of things you absolutely will not do anymore, creating a "soul-loving" space, protecting your sensitivity, caring for your body, reawakening your hidden passions, and standing up for yourself.

Chapter Five definitely hit home with me and will appeal to fellow control freaks.  Have you ever watched someone help you out by performing a task, and had to hold back that "backseat driver" monster trying to claw its way out?  Then, after the person leaves, "fix" what they just did? Cheryl puts it this way, "Hi, I'm General Manager of the Universe, and you need to do this my way and in my time to keep me happy." When I first started working for my Dad, I was THE office person. As things got busier, more help was needed. It took me years, and several assistants, to finally learn to let go and let people do things in their own way and in their own time. As long as it gets done, does it really matter how? This was a really difficult lesson for me, but because I learned to let go, I started working 40 hours, rather than 60 per week, I held onto help for much longer and the work environment became more fun, and shockingly, more productive. Last fall I hired a wonderful woman to take over my position in the office, so I could focus on healing and writing. She's done a fantastic job, however, she has created many new systems and in some cases has a completely different approach to getting things done.  And you know what?  Things are running smoother than ever and I get to spend my days writing, talking to my tumors, waking Triton, making delicious vegan meals, and practicing my knitting.  I wouldn't be able to do all this if I hadn't learned to let go a bit.

The final chapter encourages readers to create an Extreme Self Care kit, essentially a toolbox that can be pulled out in moments of crisis.  All in all, this is a wonderful book, filled with great tips and inspiration.  I highly recommend it.

The Power of Affirmations

After my cancer diagnosis I spent time researching people who healed themselves through natural methods.  Remarkably there are many stories of triumph out there.  Most started by healing the body physically, through proper diet, colonics, Essiac tea, acupuncture, yoga, etc. Detoxifying the body is a great step towards healing. I also noticed in a great deal of the stories, especially those in which the cancer never returned, people also focused on healing the mind. One such woman is Louise Hays, author of "You Can Heal Your Life."  She shares with readers her childhood story of sexual abuse and abandonment, which caused her to runaway and live on her own at age 15. Throughout the years, she eventually married, developed a career and had a pretty good life. However, mid-life she was diagnosed with a vaginal cancer. She chose to put surgery on hold and heal herself naturally. She focused not only on healing her body, but releasing emotional blockages that had created her cancer. Six months later she went in for a checkup and received a clean bill of health. So what did she do? In addition to good nutrition, colonics and foot reflexology, she spent a great deal of time in front of the mirror telling herself, "I love you."  She learned to forgive those in her past that hurt her and forgive herself. She repeated affirmations several times a day, reinforcing her desire to love herself, forgive and gratitude.

I admit that in my own healing, the emotional portion has been the most difficult.  As mentioned in my first blog, I suffered from depression, used cutting as an outlet, and from Kindergarten to my mid-20's had an onslaught on men who sexually harassed, stalked and assaulted me. Louise said, regarding her own situation, "Yes, I had a very difficult childhood with a lot of abuse--mental, physical and sexual.  But that was many years ago, and it was no excuse for the way I was treating myself now.  I was literally eating my body with cancer growth because I had not forgiven."

How powerful is that?  Does my cancer punish anyone but myself?  No, it doesn't.  Forgiveness is difficult, but one of the things I've learned is that forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean you are saying that what happened to you is okay, it simply means letting go and not letting that person or incident harm you or hold you back any longer.  A handy tool when working on forgiveness is to write a letter to the person that hurt you, then burn it. Release it into the air and say, "I forgive you."  I've done this exercise several times and it really does clear that negative energy out of your field.

Affirmations are also very powerful and can be used in many areas of your life.  Louise has a section in her book called "The List" where she breaks down 100's of diseases, describes the related emotion and gives you a positive affirmation to use to overcome said dis-ease.  For Cancer, the emotion is: "Deep hurt. Longstanding resentment. Deep secret or grief eating away at the self. Carrying hatred." The positive affirmation to heal this feeling is "I lovingly forgive and release all of the past.  I choose to fill my world with joy.  I love and approve of myself."  Under Hodgkin's Disease the emotion is: "Blame and a tremendous fear of not being good enough.  A frantic race to prove one's self until the blood has no substance left to support itself.  The joy of life is forgotten in the race for acceptance."  Whew!!! What a doozy, and I resonated strongly with this the first time I read it.  The positive affirmation is: "I am perfectly happy to be me.  I am good enough just as I am.  I love and approve of myself.  I am joy expressing and receiving."

I highly recommend forgiveness exercises, mirror work, and affirmations for everyone.  Why wait until you have a "terminal" disease to heal yourself and be happy?

Check out this link for more information on empowering your affirmations:

http://www.squidoo.com/eft-affirmations