Love Ending

Another poem I found while cleaning out files...

Love Ending

We embrace

the chasm between us runs deep

our kisses, chalky

taste of love ending

I reach for your hand

you flinch as a lock of my hair

brushes against your cheek

scarcity in lovemaking

sighs love ending

~Shanna Sandmoen

Relationships As Assignments

I've always realized that people come and go from your life for a reason. Sometimes its difficult to let go; most of the time it's obvious that it's time. Each person is a lesson, someone that teaches us to grow, and I am grateful for that. Recently I've run into a slew of relationship challenges. Long term friendships that may be ending. newer friendships where the original connection is weak; it's been difficult. However, I've also had a newer relationship that has become incredibly strong, amazingly so. This person is a godsend in my life. I have a few other friends that live in other parts of the state/country that I know are lifers. Everything falls together beautifully whenever I see them, and if we ever do have a challenge, it's looked at as a way to grow, rather than separate. I also have started a new friendship that seems promising. It amazes me how life balances out sometimes. I do hope the straggling relationships can be rebuilt, but I know that if not, I gained something from those experiences. I learned to speak up, have more fun, appreciate the differences in people, and for all those lessons and more I am grateful. I am also grateful to the people that float in and out, the ones that comment on blogs, send cards, post kind notes on Facebook, etc. that you really don't have a deep bond with, but these are relationships non-the-less. The waiter at your favorite restaurant is a relationship assignment, as is the girl who rings up your groceries, your neighbor, postal carrier, and everyone you meet, regardless if it's only a moment, or for a lifetime. I feel blessed to have met so many incredible souls, and look forward to continuing to develop those long term relationships and appreciating and letting go of those that move in and out of our lives.

Releasing Romantic Illusions

I've discussed Gabrielle Bernstein's book Add More ~Ing to Your Life: A Hip Guide to Happiness in previous posts. She has a social networking site for women called Her Future, where each month we have been focusing on a different chapter in her book. I've posted previously on Feel~ings, Forgiveness, Balancing and Mirroring, and this month's chapter focuses on relationships.

First, you need to honor your relationship with self. If you are not truly in love with yourself, you cannot possibly share love with another. A Course in Miracles (preface) states "...We seek in others what is wanting in ourselves. We 'love' another in order to get something ourselves. That, in fact, is what passes for love in the dream world. There can be no greater mistake than that, for love is incapable of asking for anything. Only minds can really join, and whom God has joined no man can put asunder." Essentially you must be love, otherwise, you will constantly be seeking people to fill your gaps, and that is not healthy or truly spiritual love. This is true of all relationships, not just romantic relationships. Spend time loving yourself, you are worth it.

Gabrielle also discusses "special relationships" in this chapter. Often times we place more importance on romantic relationships, than we do on friendships or even family. This imbalance can cause challenges in our romantic relationship because we are not in balance. By making that relationship more "special" than the others, we are essentially putting pressure on that person to fill our needs in a way that no one person can. Our relationship with self, friends, and family are equally important, and we need to release the need to make one person or relationship more special or important than another. Take time to find the love in all your relationships, and see how each and every person is special to you in their own way. You will strengthen all your relationships by experiencing them equally.

Releasing Exercises:
1. Make a list of your meaningful relationships, past and present. Write the story of each one, how it started/ended/the experience/etc. Release any nastiness that your ego is holding onto.
2. Make a list of how your partner makes you feel joy; or if single, how you would want a partner to make you feel joy.
3. Make a Love List and focus on the areas in your life where love shines. Focus on at least one thing that allows love to shine in your life each day.

The more you release the fears of the ego, the more love you will feel and the more you will attract loving healthy relationships into your life. When you feel ready to add a romantic relationship to your life, make a list of qualities you are looking for in a partner. Be specific, what is his personality like? His hobbies, skills, interests? His Spiritual beliefs? Does he love to travel and in what fashion? Write the story of your perfect partner, but keep in mind that creating a clone of you does not leave room for personal growth and will likely be boring very quickly.  Write your perfect partner story, and read it to yourself each day. Then share it with everyone you can. People have manifested beautiful relationships using this method. Write the story as if he is already there, for example, "My partner is full of gratitude, loves to garden, and is an expect on roses." Write in present tense, the Universe only understands NOW! I believe you could use this technique to attract friendships as well. Love yourself and the rest will follow.

Love and Gratitude


Shanna

Healing With Energy Psychology

In my last entry I discussed how emotions play a large role in healing the body.  I discussed forgiveness, mirror work and affirmations.  There are many techniques for releasing trapped emotions and healing the body.  This new field of study is called Energy Psychology.  My Mom wrote a great lense on Squidoo on this very topic.  http://www.squidoo.com/energy-psychology  I personally have had great success with both Resonance Repatterning (formerly known as Holographic Repatterning) and EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique).

Shortly after my cancer diagnosis I researched several energy psychology techniques.  I connected the strongest with Resonance Repatterning, a technique that essentially helps clear out subconscious patterns that interfere with your life.  I scheduled sessions with local Kansas City practitioner Bobbie Martin.   http://www.bobbiemartin.com/

During the my first session we discovered a pattern that attracted slimy, wannabe rapists my way.  Subconsciously I had decided that this kind of attention was all I could obtain and all that I deserved.  Because of this I was missing out on the opportunity to meet a nice guy.  I was 24 years old at the time, never been in a relationship, and had been molested, stalked, harassed, and assaulted repeatedly for the past twenty years.  After my first repatterning session, I went to Best Buy to purchase a CD and was approached by a very polite gentleman, who complimented me and gave me his telephone number.  No creepy comeons, inappropriate touching, didn't threaten to stalk or attack me, he simply smiled, gave me his information, and walked away.  I was ecstatic!! I'd never had such a wonderful and positive experience with a man before, and just one hour after being repatterned!  Three months later I entered into a relationship with a wonderful man that I had the opportunity to date for almost three years.  Amazing isn't it?  I highly recommend this technique; it changed my life.

EFT is another great technique.  The nice thing about this method is that you can do it at home, in the shower, the car, pretty much anywhere.  Essentially, you "tap" on certain acupressure points in order to release blocked emotions.  There are tons of videos to follow along to on many different topics on YouTube.  You can also check out some of these links for tips on EFT:

EFT for Allergy Relief: http://www.squidoo.com/eft-allergy-relief
EFT for Pets: http://www.squidoo.com/peteft
Empower Your Affirmations with EFT: http://www.squidoo.com/eft-affirmations
EFT for Stress-Free Holidays: http://www.squidoo.com/eft-holidaystress