Existing's Tricky

"existing's tricky: but to live's a gift" This quote by poet e e cummings epitomizes my comprehension of life as I know it. I spent a good part of my youth existing, day in, day out, merely a shelf of a human being. I registered zilch on the emotional spectrum and actually spent several years in my early twenties cutting myself in an attempt to feel anything at all. Then came cancer, an answer to my prayers, or so I thought. A guilt-free way out of my existence. Seeing the fear and pain in my normally happy-go-lucky father made me reconsider this thing we call life. Could I truly grab life by the hand and really live? The answer to that question took five years for me to process.

I refused the standard chemotherapy and radiation treatments recommended by my oncologist and dedicated myself to healing physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually through natural means. I experimented with a 100% raw vegan diet, meditated, learned EFT, colonics, read books on healing, etc. I knew that I did not want to merely exist in this world, I needed to learn to truly live or I would simply "let go" of this life.

A year ago I had to make a decision, life or die. My body started shutting down, the cancer had infiltrated several of my organs and spread throughout my lymphatic system. the time had come to LIVE. I took time off from work (I am so blessed that my Dad is my boss!) and I've spent the past year experiencing life anad exploring what it means to live.

Now I work part-time and am determined to continue the next phase of my life journey. Through this blog I hope to gain the focus I need to start my own Happiness Project, heal my cancer, be the best doggie mommy I can be, and write my first novel. I am grateful for each day and know that "existing's tricky: but to live's a gift." Namaste