My First Night In ICU

Buried beneath my Darth Vader mask

I call out "is it time?"

"Am I ready to let go?"

Warmth envelopes me, releasing my fear, 

pulling me into a deep, peaceful sleep.

As the sun rises I know,

I still have much to do.

I am healing every day

My body, weak, will regenerate.

It's what it's born to do. 

Lessons From the Hospital

First, GRATITUDE!!! THANK YOU for all the phone calls, postcards, letters, prayer circles, care packages, home aid, flowers and love. I am incredibly overwhelmed by this beautiful community of bloggers, Spirit Junkies, raw foodists, high school friends, etc. My heart is filled with so much love and your support makes such a difference in my life. 


I'm entering my 10th day at the hospital, and at this point I don't know whether or not it will be my last, but I'm keeping my spirits up and going with the flow. The support helps a lot, because it is definitely a frustrating situation and I've have my moments, but I'm pulling through. I've learned several things during my stay I'd like to share.

Lessons From the Hospital

1. Humility. So far I've peed myself at least six times, had three different strangers bathe me, including thoroughly washing my privates, pooped and wiped my ass in front of complete strangers, been naked, etc. And you know what, who cares? In the past that would have really bothered me, and some of those moments were very demoralizing, but I've learned that sometimes you just have to let someone else care for you and the nurses deal with this everyday. 
2. Patience. This is still a work in progress, but I've had to learn to go with the flow more. Day to day changes in my program, never knowing if I'm going home or staying for weeks, vague answers to my questions from doctors, slow nursing staff sometimes. I realize I have no control over any of this and I'm just going to have to be patient and learn to roll with the changes. It's a trial, but I'm definitely improving. 
3. Ask for Help. This one I've been learning over a period of time, and it's very difficult for me. I'm the leader, the one that solves issues. I'm the person that will get you safely out of a burning building, get you motivated to take your green smoothies, I'm the one that listens and will help you solve your issues. But who guides me? Sometimes I have to accept that I can't do it all alone, and that some people need to stop using me as a crutch and figure things out for themselves. 
4. Let it Out. I have a tendency to "deal with" my feelings myself. I also have noticed more and more  that I WANT to talk about things, I want to release, but I've realized that unloading on my parents/friends/etc. while helpful, I still feel a certain restraint because they are going through all this too, and some of my feelings may be difficult to hear. So while I've been here I've been talking to the Chaplin and it's incredibly helpful. Sometimes you just need a uninterested third party to listen and spill your guts to. 
5. I Am All Powerful. I've believed this for awhile, but everytime I nearly die (what's i been 4-5 times now?) I am reminded that I have the ability to heal myself, and by taking care of myself, doing my emotional/spiritual work, eating properly, taking my supplement, and it pains me to say it, listen to my Mom, pulls me through everytime. And I KNOW that in a few weeks, I'll be strolling into Eden's Alley for my birthday dinner, hanging out with friends, and having a great time. And by the time my summer trips come around I'll be incredibly healthy, happy and whole. Because at the end of the day, it's all up to me. And this time I have an amazing support group to help kick me into perfect health. 

Love to you all

Shanna

My Latest Trip to the Hospital

Monday morning my Dad took me to the ER due to massive swelling in the abdomen; I could barely walk or breath, LOTS of pain, massive swelling, felt like my organs were going to explode. They ran several tests and determined that my spleen and liver were massively swollen. My liquid monster issue had overrun my body again. I take diuretics at home, but apparently the dosage stopped working or getting through, I blew up again and overloaded my organs. Plus, I have been majorly fatigued these last few weeks; my iron levels had dropped below the danger level. They checked me in, set me up on an IV for diuretics, and then later a blood transfusion. I felt better automatically when receiving the blood; energy back! I spent Monday, Tuesday and most of Wednesday at the hospital. They let me check out Wednesday night. I've adjusted my at home meds, and have a check up in a week. I feel soooo much better! I think I dropped about 20 lbs, and though my organs are still swollen, I'm working on that.

So what happens now? Right before this, I had built a plan I called my "Liquid Love Feast". I realized my body was spending too much time on digestion,  and my diet had slipped. I hate juicing, the process not the actual juice, so I looked into some programs including the Blue Print Cleanse, which was just too expensive. So I came up with a new solution. There is a shop called Coffee Girls less than five minutes from my house that makes fresh juice. They come in 20oz, and they have 8 different varieties. From my research, if you go on a juice feast, drinking 64-80 oz of juice daily is ideal. So I plan on getting 4 drinks a day. Right now we have just been running up and buying them, and of course I was in the hospital, so no real time to get started. I am going to try and work something out, maybe a delivery system with the store; fingers crossed.

In addition I'm drinking lots of coconut water and aloe beverages. Protein drinks as well. I've decided to allow certain things like light soups, applesauce, etc. However, liquid is the focus. My goal is to do 1-3 enemas daily, skin brushing, detox baths, etc. I also ordered a liver cleanse, which I'll blog about when it arrives. I really want to focus on getting healthy.

As I get stronger, yoga will also be added and a few other items as well.