Last week I had a little mental breakdown. I had this list of things to do 1) pay bills 2) write soldiers 3) update blog and post-date a few entries 4) finish the 2 pending articles I was working on 5) clean house 6) take care of mom, etc, etc, etc etc. and this little voice inside my head just stomped my foot and said "i don't wanna!!". And so I didn't. I stopped writing, I didn't go to work, I didn't pay the bills, the house is a mess, etc. And I felt really cranky about it for a couple of days, like I wasn't fulfilling my purpose, but again "i didn't wanna!". So I took a few minutes and had a little inner talk with myself, and found out that I had taken on too much. I was trapped in the "shoulds". I SHOULD pay bills, I SHOULD write this blog, I SHOULD take Triton for a walk, SHOULD SHOULD SHOULD!!! I detest that word, it's a dirty word, however difficult to avoid. Need is another poor word, very similar sometimes. So what to do. First, I realized that cutting back on a few things to relieve the pressure was a first step. Originally, I wanted to do all the things on my list, but because I overextended myself they became "shoulds". So I took a few things and cut back my expectations, extended my deadlines, and gave myself a little breathing room. The other important step is gratitude. Instead of being frustrated when it came time to pay bills and clean house, things I'm not crazy about, I changed my perspective to one of gratitude.
I am grateful I have a beautiful house, that is all mine, one that I am able to pay for myself and care for myself.
I am grateful for cool airconditioning in the summer and warm heat in the winter. I love having hot water when taking showers and am grateful for my weekly trash pickups.
I am grateful for the opportunity to write each day, to create new worlds, spread my healing message, and make a solider feel a little less lonely.
I am grateful I have the stamina to walk my beautiful 116lb dog each day, and even more grateful for the wonderful weather we have been blessed with lately.
I am grateful that I have the freedom to take a few days off to meditate, read all the books I desire, and bounce on my rebounder.
We all get caught up in responsibilities sometimes, or even things we desire, that turn into chores because we overextend. Whenever you get caught up in the "should's", take a deep breath, step back, delegate, let a few things go, and find the gratitude.
What are you grateful for today?
It all boils down to perspective. I am not fond of cleaning house either but now that I can't I would really like to be able to...funny how changing something from a should to a can't makes a big difference in how you feel about it! I agree that gratitude is the key to changing your feelings, I am grateful for everything in my life!
ReplyDeleteI love that you gave yourself the breathing room you so needed. Awareness is everything!!!
ReplyDeleteI pushed myself so long and so hard that one day the part of me that could "make" me do the things I "should" do just broke... that was more than 5 years ago, and it still isn't fixed, and even though I probably "should" do something about it... I don't... so my house is a mess, and nothing I don't want to do ever gets done... I'm sure there's a place of balance in there somewhere... getting to it.. that's the thing!
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